a practical summer heartbreak
a poem called AGAIN
I guess I’ll rewire my brain, again.
Force my hand to rewrite my future, again.
Claim another unplanned reframe whilst walking away, again.
Rename my old friend shame again,
Something sweeter, something neater, something easier to contain.
You actually used the word insane…
Be careful with that one, dear.
The thing is…
I know I am fair and I know I am true and I know that I deserve more than you.
So as heart aching as it might be,
My legs will start walking under me,
Reclaiming the refrains that you blamed on me,
as I limp towards the sun again.
My heart is hard won, you see.
The soft and simple right of being heard, again,
Unlike the times my insides curled up,
Screaming for my own voice again.
Silently wondering why you won’t touch me again.
Lost in the distance you loudly placed between us again.
Because…I know we’ll have this problem again.
You’ll cover it up with the seemingly feminist psychological fuck boy jargin again,
(a clever disguise my friend)
But to silencing we will return again.
Red hot.
Understood not, as we stand at the edge of the unspoken ocean blues, again.
So I choose to die to be reborn again.
Yes.
I’ll be brave again.
Be impressive again.
Release you with the rain, again.
And wince as I remember what I’ve forgotten (again):
That no matter how shiny the boy or how pretty the “prince”…
There is nothing more nourishing than coming home to myself again.
